Heart of a Torah Woman

Women Seeking His Kingdom

Walking in Torah, Loving our Families, Following Our Messiah

How to develop more patience (yep I need reminders too at times)

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Hello ladies! I hope you are all doing well and filled with His peace. Today I would like to hit another topic that I know a lot of women would like to get better with, just like the desire to stop yelling. I will link to that post and the podcast episode for that at the bottom. These two things are linked too and similar things can help do better for both.

I remember being a lot younger as a mom and wife and desperately wanting to figure out how to be more patient! How many of us desire that and hope to improve? Amen?!

I still have a looooong way to go at times but I am definitely not where I was even a year ago let alone anywhere near when I was a new wife and mom. I’m glad things were learned young comparatively but wish I had other women to help me get it that much sooner. I’m still pretty young considering. I’m not in my 20s anymore by far lol but I know I am by no means that old! There are things I wish I had handled differently or had been far more patient with. As well as gotten it when I was a young mom and wife.

You know what though? It is a fruit of the Spirit. We have to exercise it and practice being that way. Patience isn’t exactly just natural for everyone. Some of us are naturally more patient. I actually am and pretty much always have been far more patient with very young children and those with special needs than most people around me. I know that about my personality but other areas oh boy, I had no where near that patience. Honestly it was very annoying to me that I had such incredible amounts of patience towards children and those with special needs (which are very good) but somehow it was so much harder in other areas in my life. I clearly had that capability but missed the mark when I could have done better.

I assume just like me, many of you women have probably been just as disappointed in yourself. You probably also had it all playing differently in your mind. Then when you were living that moment… it was lacking. Those disappointing times feel so awful. It seems like just another thing you can’t seem to control and not losing your patience no matter how little or big your reaction or handling of something is, sometimes feels harder.

You know what though? We wouldn’t have to practice this and grow this fruit if it was something that was just imputed in us. Yah knew it would take work. Sometimes it is far easier and other times it is far harder. Stress in our lives can sometimes be allowed by us to impact seemingly small things and then our patience runs out a whole lot quicker than it usually would.

So some things to consider… are you more patient with your co-workers and/strangers than you are your husband and children? Do you give others more leeway including yourself than your close loved ones? Do you even have any patience with yourself? Yes, yourself! You are important and valuable too. Sometimes we get very impatient with ourselves.

Also consider, if we have other character traits that are a desire to change is it harder because of patience levels? For example, yelling. Are you having a hard time not doing that? Having more patience with a vast array of things helps many characters traits improve.

Some food for thought… the fruits of the Spirit are all connected. When we actively work on them and practice gaining those victories however small they seem can bring tremendous growth.

When you feel yourself losing control of your patience (two fruits right there) taking a moment to just pause makes a big difference. Consider what is actually going on. Here is a bullet point list of possible things to lose patience:

  • Kids attitude and/or misbehavior
  • Husband not doing something fast enough for you
  • Kids not grasping a concept for schooling and struggling to “get it” as quickly as you want
  • Car trouble
  • Yard work you don’t want to do
  • Laundry piling up
  • Have to get gas before run other errands or go to work if you work
  • Someone is short tempered with you
  • Person or car in front of you is going so slowly
  • Hormonal
  • Illness
  • Financial difficulties
  • Someone always seemingly needing something from you
  • You are burned out and stressed
  • Argument with husband
  • Kids not listening
  • Another spill
  • More dishes to wash
  • Someone hurt your feelings again
  • A friend didn’t come through
  • Getting left out for any number of things
  • Someone yelled at you

This list can go on for what seems like indefinitely. I tried to list things from different aspects of life. These are the moments that impact so many other things. If we let them they can go so very negatively and badly even. Recognizing when those internal things are going on that can start to bring it out is very very helpful to overcome not getting to that point.

Having struggles with controlling your patience does not make you a failure! Not at all! Do not view yourself terrible because of it. It just will take some work and time. The odds of this not happening very quickly are crazy high. Some it will be easier for some people than others. The key is to not give up.

At first it might only be that you still get impatient but it can take longer to get to that point. There are different degrees of losing patience so sometimes you may get only a little impatient compared to getting very very impatient and now you lose it. Every victory for growth is good. Righteousness is not built in a day. Celebrate every victory. Don’t let yourself get puffed up but definitely allow yourself to see every victory and allow it to motivate you to keep going.

Some things you can do to get better are first and foremost prayer 🙏. Pray even a small prayer when you feel yourself starting to not have the patience necessary for whatever it is. Even a “help me have the patience for this “ is good. Don’t forget to pray about it regularly and more specifically.

So much of what we lose our patience over really isn’t necessary. Really pretty much nothing is. Consider asking yourself if it really is worth it and how you will feel after as well as any consequences that could result from not having patience.

Alas, we are human so we could never ever do this as great as hoped. All we can do is the best we can and get better over time. In turn it can get less and less, further and further between when not doing so great.

Remembering not taking things so personal makes a big difference. Much of what causes us to not hit the mark are misunderstandings, impatience and things like this.

Our children struggling to grasp a concept is not worthy at all to get yelled at or us to be losing our patience over. Is it hard to figure out how to help them? Absolutely at times it is. Losing your patience makes is harder by an incredible amount. I know from experience, I had moments I got annoyed and did not react so kindly with homeschooling. It isn’t their fault if not understanding something. Adjust to their learning styles and go over whatever it is as many times as needed. Sometimes it takes multiple days or weeks or months for some things to sink in. Losing our patience can make it take a lot longer. I no longer lose my patience with their schooling over this and it has been years. Now a bad attitude from kid is another story but I have adjusted that as well and react much more favorably to help it all. Thankfully those seasons are well past. Not fun to deal with.

If in those kinds of seasons now… it is easy to not be so patient. So switch your mind to think “wait, I am not always in the best of moods, how do I want others to react to me?” Treat others how you would want to be treated. Some days are a lot harder than others. Try to think on how most of the time others are not intentionally trying to bother, annoy, hurt or whatever else to us. That makes it easier. Every single person young and old has days we act undesirably. Grace, mercy, forgiveness and kindness goes a long way.

Just like with yelling, ponder and really dig into the why you struggle with this even if it isn’t that often. The same kinds of things apply. Once we figure out how our minds and hearts are internally we can address and fix our character traits we want to change.

Digging into His word is a must as well. Do word studies and dive right in. Read scripture that is uplifting and gives hope. Look into the stories of the Bible that shows how God handles things with His people and us. Internalizing how He views us and how He uses mercy, forgiveness, grace, patience, self control and all His other traits helps us keep in perspective how we should be. Get into His word daily. Even if it is small amounts that is still daily filling your mind with His Word. Then you can meditate on those words as often as you’d like throughout your day and night.

The whole point is to walk as Yeshua walked and live for bringing glory to Yah. People should be able to see something different about us. It should be obvious we aren’t like the rest of the world. We can preach and teach people all we want about Yahs truth but our example and how we are living that they can see is what will really makes a big impact. If our conduct doesn’t match what we say, what good does that do in trying to be a light set on a hill and the salt of the earth. If we are trying to get our kids to have more patience the best way to help that is by our example. If we want others to come to Yah then the same things applies.

We will most certainly not always live up to these standards. Striving to is the goal. When we miss the mark repent, apologize when should, and make the necessary changes. Set high standards and keep moving forward. When you have setbacks and take steps backward do not keep moving backwards because it is easier. In the end it is much harder to not try and keep moving forward.

With Yeshua all things are possible. Not some things, all things. Yeshua is our rock and Savior. We didn’t need a Savior because we are fantastic at what we do. So expect to have some times where you will fall short but have high standards. Don’t be too hard on yourself up when it happens. Keep leaning into Yah and have faith He can help us!

We all have our moments and areas we struggle more with than others. Even if certain things are not such a struggle that is great but there is always room for growth. That is how we should approach everything in life. Always room for growth.

Patience really is a virtue. Keep exercising it. Ask for help and opportunities to get better. When those moments come and they will, then stop and try to do better and better. Ask and you shall receive. We can’t exercise having patience and grow if we don’t have things that require us to have to have it.

The more we dive into the why for things for us and learning how to be more like Yeshua, the easier it can get with anything.

Practicing patience will be a gift to your family and to you. Your children and your husband will be blessed by it. What a good example to be able to live out for your children by growing in patience. As they see you work on that it potentially can help give them a better foundation for a much better life later on.

Keep on keeping on! You’ve got this lady!

Blogpost below for How to stop yelling


Podcast below for how to stop yelling


Until next time!

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