Loving our families

Good morning ladies! I hope this finds you doing well. What a glorious day it is and may you be blessed in it.

How often do we come across memes, ads conversations around us and wherever else that encourages selfish self care, treating husbands like they are unable to do life correctly without us, kids are often a burden , wine is what gets a woman through life, we deserve this or that, I even see women actually saying and believing that women have it harder now than ever before. Far too often we still hear how we can do and have it all. The list can go on and on.

Yes we can have hard days, we all do. Seriously, some days can happen where all you want to do is hide and cry from overwhelm.

Some situations you just can not get out from under it. It can be chronic illness, special needs children or any number of life’s challenges we have to navigate that is out of our control. People in these situations need compassion and support more than a lecturing of “be happy”.

People can annoy us or we just need some moments to collect ourselves and let our minds reset and refocus. Burn out city is a common theme in many of our lives before we figure out how to stop and BAN the unnecessary busy and get through the busy seasons easier with hopefully good support.

We get bombarded with messages like I said above. Some of the messages we hear are good. We do need to take care of ourselves. We do need moments when just need a break and recenter. Now the messages are getting more and more selfish and more and more rude towards our families. Much of it is subtle. We notice it and often talk about things like this. Our marriage and family are highly important to us. So that is often topics we talk about from many different angles and aspects. It saddens us to see how families treat each other. How a man’s home is is extremely important to Yah. Family interactions are a big deal and set the stage for much of life and society.

Yes, I do speak about how I don’t like the term self care but as you can see throughout this blog that I do highly regard taking care of ourselves. It has morphed into this beast that is superficial and selfish. We shouldn’t have to feel like we need to do all these things all the time for ourselves and everyone needs to just leave us alone. The messages today teach girls and women that we are just so used, taken advantage of and so busy that we deserve to do what we want, when we want and often there is a glass of wine or similar in her hand. Somehow only our needs and feelings matter.

Is it really loving to our family to demand to be left alone all the time? How about when hubby wants some alone time and a lot of women balk at that and again say “not tonight”. Women are not the only ones tired and busy. Even kids are run ragged with far too many activities, running around and demands put on them. Husbands come home tired from work too and how many of them have wives who are a drip and nag the moment they come home and often don’t stop. Nothing they do is ever right. The wives redo things they do to “help” or have a fit because they didn’t do it to their liking. Men have taken on more and more of the tasks that women said they wanted them to and yet it still isn’t enough. (There are plenty of studies and polls out there can reference. I’ve read and seen a bunch, they are easy to look up. )

Loving our families includes so many things. It isn’t just about saying we love them and inside we really do. Most of us certainly love them. Our actions, tones, demeanors and our facial expressions are where this matters most. Even we know how we feel when someone tells us they love us but are mean, obnoxious , roll their eyes at what we say, tell us to leave them alone… you know, all the things we can do to others too and justify.

How do we react to situations? How do we serve our families? How do we talk ABOUT them, especially in front of them? Are we tromping around miserable and mean because we aren’t being treated the way we want to be?

Our feelings very well could be valid. It is quite hard at times when you feel neglected and taken advantage of to be sweet and kind. These are the moments to exercise the fruits of the Spirit and strive to be more Yeshua like. It is easy to say we know how we should be knowing the academic aspect of these things. Living them out can be harder.

Getting ourselves into His word daily and being in a constant prayerful state of mind helps bring peace to our minds to live more like Yah intended. Drink in His word. Wash ourselves with It. We can do all things through Yeshua Who strengthens us.

Our husbands aren’t bumbling fools and if they don’t step up like would hope maybe changing your approach could help and that goes for the kiddos too. If we make others want to hide from us they certainly won’t want to be doing things for or with us.

Submission has become viewed as a terrible word and backwards. Abuse of authority, rebellion and a misunderstanding of it, are what often contributes to wrong thinking. The world has lied and misused what it actually mean. It is not he is head and now you sit down, shut up, not allowed to have an opinion, are less valuable, get told what to do, get micromanaged, beat down and abused. Not at all and that is evil! I shouldn’t have to tell others I submit to my husband and he is the head. It just isn’t necessary, our actions and attitudes matter far more. How many women and men out there say that is how they function but all you have to do is watch them and see who really is the head. We should never be bossy, demanding, argumentative women. Men should never be demanding, demeaning or abuse their authority. Yeshua would never abuse His authority or His bride. These very things are not of Yah. Each will answer for how they are. Marriage is supposed to be unity together and able to discuss things. Having a meek and quiet spirit while discussing is far better and gets better results than being loud, brash, mean and contentious. None of that is Godly. We are to copy Yeshua too, not just our husbands. We were just designed for different purposes and yet each marriage might be a little different. They don’t have to all be exactly the same. A lot of marital and family problems stem from how a man and wife treat each other. Our children are learning from us so they are either learning Yah’s way or ungodly. There is no exact formula but it is either of God or it isn’t. The key is to grow and figure out how to love our families better and better which will in turn hopefully bless our children’s future families.

Some of us naturally have personalities that make living out Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 examples a little or a lot easier. We don’t all have to be the same. Kindness is a recurring theme and connected to so many other aspects of life. (Like many other things). We don’t have to have it figured out quickly. That is quite unrealistic. Growth happens all the time. The point is to ever get closer to the character of our Creator and Messiah.

We will have bad days that are hard. We will sin. We will fall short submitting. We will have days we are ashamed of our behavior. When these times happen don’t wallow in pity and stay in state where all you feel is you can’t do anything right. Don’t make the same mistake I did in trying to fix all of you at once. That is a disaster waiting to happen. Work on smaller amounts then move on while continuing to grow in the areas you grew in. Repent when need to, apologize if necessary, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Steps backwards will probably happen and they don’t make you as a person a failure. We needed our Savior because only through Him can we do all things and have hope in eternal life.

Your children will be blessed by seeing these things in you. They can learn that when you do mess up to go to Him, repent and keep trying. If they see you keeping Yah at arms length because of shame or feeling like you just will never measure up, that is exactly what they will learn to do. Oh please no, let’s strive to make it easier for us to be close to Yah and help set our children up to be able to truly walk with Him when it is their time to commit to this Way in a bigger way.

Yah is waiting to forgive our trespasses so let’s be ready to do the same for our families. Yes, sometimes it can be hard and things can hurt deeply. That is where lots of prayer and Bible study comes in to help us. Of course don’t enable or put up with certain things but forgiveness is a must. I have written about this very topic when we have been broken and Yah healing our hearts. If you are struggling maybe that can encourage and help you. Believe me, I understand how hard it can be and the process that happens as grow. Yah is waiting to heal the broken hearted. Go to Him!

All of these things are ways to love our family well. Let’s try not to do the opposite. Sometimes it is easier to not show love but in the end it actually isn’t easier, it makes life far harder.

We should be treating everyone the way we would like to be treated. It is easier to love and show love when we are striving to do this. Albeit it is harder at times than others. When it is harder then we look Above and work together walking together in Yah’s love. We won’t always hit that mark but we can try. Who knows, maybe our conduct will encourage the very things we were hoping for in our families too. Not from a selfish giving to get but just natural progression of the whole unit walking in love emulating our Father and His Son.

Isn’t that the goal after all? This is our Kingdom work first and foremost. Working in these areas first helps the rest of our lives as well. Yah keeps His word how He will respond to us and what He will do for us when we walk in His ways. Shouldn’t we be striving to do the same in our own family not changing depending on our mood and feelings? We can’t control others but we can control ourselves. This can bless them and you! Be that light set on a hill and the salt of the earth. Keep leaning on Yah and talk to Him often in prayer. May He guide our steps and in turn bring glory to Him!

Until next time!

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