Good morning my fellow sisters in Messiah! Today feels like it will be good. Possible storms though so hopefully not too severe. Low key day with some productivity planned.
This one is for the single ladies but much of these these things apply to all of us.
If you are still waiting for your future husband I pray you are able to rest in Him as you wait. You are valuable, have a place in the Body and are worth waiting for a Godly man.
While you wait, definitely pray for your future husband. Seek His will and not your own. Do not forget to work on yourself and pray for you to be a Godly, righteous wife for whoever you may one day marry.
Please do not rush into a potentially bad situation because of impatience. Be careful to not get so caught up in wanting marriage and a family that you wind up heartbroken or worse.
Be careful who you will give the time to see where it will go. Maybe also not be so quick to ignore some men over little things that really do not matter. Some good men get overlooked just like good women do too. Seek Yahs will.
Putting up with games, not being able to make up his mind if he wants you or not, poor treatment, not being a priority (in the proper sense), immaturity and etc is not what we should do. These are red flags and not ok. That is a boy who has not grown up who behaves like that.
We should not allow these things while courting/dating as it is but if you do, the longer it will take for those who would change when still acting like an immature boy. Some will never change. We are not doing anyone any favors by not setting boundaries and allowing mistreatment.
Value yourself enough to know you are worth a righteous relationship. We do need to have realistic and righteous expectations. No one has a completely perfect marriage but it can be perfect for you and your hubby! Being friends first should be a must and building a friendship from the beginning will bless your future marriage!
If you play house with them, what reason do they have to commit and grow up if they have not? When you give them wifey privileges you are encouraging those things to continue. I am talking about far more than physical intimacy. Even if you believe these things are ok, it is still absolutely devastating when/if it falls apart. I see memes and hear things often about how painful it is when break up and how no girl wants to keep going through these things, especially giving her body away to another boy. It is so damaging emotionally to be intimate then break up. Even if it does work out, it is still not good to be doing that prior to marriage. There really are so many consequences that are not just potentially physical, there are emotional and mental consequences to doing them as well. Not to mention the fact that Yah designed it to be kept within marriage. Physical intimacy is Holy, good and meant for both within a marriage.
That does not even address hook up culture. It is incredibly damaging. That is just giving it away even more carefree. It is harmful and sad when allow self to just be used. Even when the girl is using the guy too it is still allowing yourself to be used by another. It may seem like a good time but what about ten years down the road? Will it feel so great to know what allowed yourself to be treated like? Not everyone is proud of that years later. We are of far more value than that. No it is not shaming, it is asking to consider your future self. I feel this way about both males and females so no, I do not give a free pass to the guys. I believe God wants both to wait, not only the girls.
Any man who only wants to hook up does not care about you, your needs, your salvation or anything good towards you other than using you for his gratification. We should not treat another like that either. There is nothing righteous about that in any way.
A righteous man would never pressure you for physical intimacy in any way. He would have a deep respect for you and your relationship. Yes it can be hard to wait when engaged and waiting for the wedding night. Attraction and desire are real. Be careful and avoid situations where it could happen beforehand and then you have regret.
Unfortunately we live during a time that these things are normalized and even expected. Many of us have done them ourselves. I do highly recommend listening to those who tell you they wish they waited or wish they didn’t put up with mistreatment. So much can be avoided by heeding those who have gone before you.
Waiting and not playing house is not being a prude. It does not make you less worthy of love. It does not make your boring and no fun. Pressuring and demanding another to do these things is wrong. Saying no is good. Saying you want to wait is a good thing to do. If you already have done these it does not make you less valuable. It does not mean you do not deserve a good husband. It does not make you damaged goods that should be cast aside.
Be careful with and avoid those who have real anger issues, addictions, seemingly fine with flirting, looking at lustfully or more towards other women, manipulative, mean, violent and etc. That does not mean people that fall under these categories cannot change but definitely avoid when you are ready to settle down. It is Yah’s job to change hearts and work with people, not ours. He can use us to inspire another to change but we will never be able to do it for them.
Make them work for it. The ones who are in it for you and for the right reasons will stick around and wait. A good man will take the time to get to know you deeply and cherish you.
If he is already married, run in the opposite direction.
The golden rule also applies within marriage.
Someone who truly values you will not be demanding or act like a dictator. He would never isolate you from others. A real Godly man will not want to micromanage everything you do. He would value you and your thoughts while serving you too.
A mature man will not treat you like a doormat, will not expect you to be there only to serve him, will not raise a hand to you, will not berate and put you down. A good man will not chase other women while professing to love and cherish you.
A man who is striving to live righteously will want to grow together. He will want to become better as a couple and individually. Righteous spouses will want to help the other grow closer to our Creator while doing the same for themself. A husband and wife who live for Yah will work together. This will not be done perfectly and we must not hold each other to unrealistic and unfair standards.
The proverbs especially has a wealth of characteristics to look for and avoid. Dive into Gods word deeply to ingrain what to seek and avoid as well as what to strive for yourself.
Everyone has quirks and faults. You just have to figure out if you will be able to handle theirs. We should not make excuses for the bad things should avoid. No one should be treating others meanly or truly being abusive. They are never ok.
Be careful to not assign someone with labels like abusive, narcissistic, and etc so quickly. Try not to see only bad in every man. They will have areas they need to grow in just like we do too. Not all faults are worthy of assigning such labels to.
Some men are charming in a good way, others not so much. Yikes. Do not get so caught up in infatuation that you miss warning signs. But do not try to find warning signs. That is unfair. I’m sure that if someone tried they would find what would look like warning signs in each of us, even if had to make it a stretch. That’s what we need to be careful with, seeing something that isn’t there. If you are looking for narcissism you may find it simply because someone is being selfish even though that would be a stretch.
A good example for us would be if we remind our men of something that does not automatically make us a nag. That is the kinds of things I mean for not quickly assigning a label.
It helps to think about if we would want our children being treated a certain way by a spouse… if not, then you should not put up with or do them yourself.
If you are currently in a bad situation there is nothing wrong with seeking help. I pray that gets better. You matter. Reach out to someone who can help you if you need to.
If you are single and still waiting, keep seeking our Father in Heaven. In the meantime work on your character and consider what kind of wife you want to be. We can always work on ourselves. There is always room for improvement.
Please see your worth and do not settle just to settle. May Yah send you a righteous man who will treat you well.
Until next time.