Heart of a Torah Woman

Women Seeking His Kingdom

Walking in Torah, Loving our Families, Following Our Messiah

We GET to…Becoming content…Being still and Seeking first His Kingdom

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Hey ladies! Lately I have found myself repeating “we get to” and “I get to” often. Being still has been a theme for a long time now. When we take a step back and ponder our lives, how do we view our blessings, opportunities and experiences? What are we seeking?

We GET to live here.

We GET to be apart of a wonderful congregation.

I GET to be married to my husband

We GET to have good friends (even from a distance)

We GET to know our creator and our Messiah.

We GET opportunities to grow

We GET to_____ , now fill in the blank. The list goes on and on.

How do we view our blessings? For some time now I think of it all as “I GET TO” we didn’t do anything to earn or deserve any of it. By His grace and mercy is it. I mean, seriously, WE GET TO KNOW the Creator of the universe! Wow just wow. What are we doing with that? What are we representing? I certainly do not want to mess that up.

We spent over six and a half years in the wilderness and it has been full of so many unknowns, waiting (oh the waiting), taking one step at a time not knowing the when or what, learning contentment, being ok with being shunned after walking away from a church when it was time (yes it is a Sabbath and Feast keeping one that was not getting better but worse), becoming comfortable and trusting others again, finding other believers out there (there truly is so many more than what some places lead you to believe there are) and so much more that I could never put in one post. But over time I will share more and more. I realize more and more that it is ok to share things. Good and the not so good. That was a hard one for me. I always felt the need to just keep it to as few as possible.

We lived one step at a time. Being still and waiting. Oh man that was so not always easy. Be still and wait. Not yet. What felt like silence. During all of it the Father WAS working things together for His plan and purpose. To work things out and to work on our hearts and walk with Him. It all worked together beautifully. Now if only I hadn’t had such a grumpy attitude at times 🤦🏼‍♀️🙌🏼 hindsight right?

We were content where we moved from recently. We loved our life. It wasn’t always easy and the bad attitudes and frustrations would occasionally set in. The wondering why we did not have fellowship even though we knew there were others out there and there were believers we personally knew but they are not allowed to fellowship outside their church. Why did it feel like surrounded yet so alone?

We are pretty private people and it has taken me so long and so many prayers to get to this point. I have shared bits and pieces since I finally was obedient in stepping out to let the Father lead me. It took me five years to do this. I don’t like being the center of attention and don’t like anything coming across as “look at me, look at me”. And I certainly never want to come across as braggy for certain things. I would much rather it be and try for it to be “look at and see the Father and Messiah”. I like to be in the background. That was my comfort zone.

Only a handful of people have truly known about what we have walked through these last many years. The relationships lost, the longing for real fellowship, wanting to be obedient, walking away from all we knew for over a decade in our “TO church” and had hoped would change but that never came, being in a spiritual wilderness, seeking the Father, getting closer as a family, growing in so many ways, the struggles, walking all this out together, learning to be content regardless, seeing the blessings all around us even when it feels like your world is falling apart and so much more. Look for the blessings, they ARE there. People come and go and that includes relatives and those who you thought were friends. Things change and that is ok. Grow where we can and learn from our mistakes. We don’t always make the best choices or choose the best actions.

We loved our life, truly we became content figuring we were supposed to stay. We have wanted to move away from there since we were young. We wanted better for us and our children. My husband and I met and have been together since we were 15 and 17 and are now 40 and just about 42. Married for 20. We were so young still when we desired to get away from there. So when I say in other things it never really felt like home, it didn’t. We made the best of it and did that together. We made it work. We were blessed and we knew it. The place didn’t matter. We were together and seeking better and His Kingdom. We wouldn’t change anything. All of it led to where we are now. The path the Father led us on is what it took for us to get here. All the mistakes, bumbling around, stupidity, struggles, bad attitudes, needing to grow up at times and everything in between. It wasn’t always easy but that is the blessing, it led to here. We felt like that even before we knew we would be blessed with being able to finally move. Everything leads to where you end up. We have the power to be obedient and learn and grow in the meantime. Sometimes we mess that up. The Father doesn’t forsake us. He will help us through it all. Never stop seeking Him.

Questioning the why doesn’t do anything. There are some things that we will not get the answers for this side of the Kingdom. We need to get to the the point where we are ok with that. Getting grumpy, bitter and every other emotion we go through just makes it harder. Of course feel them and work though them. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Not at all. We are human. Let it grow you to be more like our Messiah. We desired good things so why were we stuck where we felt forsaken by virtually everyone around us? We were surrounded by what should have been different, at least that is what it felt like. We don’t need to know the why. That is extremely hard at times. Our Father is with us every step of the way, even when we don’t feel like it. Even when we desire good and righteous things. It isn’t according to our will and plan. It is always about the Father and His will and plan. What a tough, tough lesson to learn at times. We need to be content regardless. Sometimes we shed many tears while we wait. Sometimes people hurt us. Sometimes our heart aches. Sometimes we are not the best we can be and do stupid things. Sometimes we just don’t understand this world. The Father and Messiah gives us hope. That is the only way we can truly truly find peace, hope, faith, love and contentment. Sometimes we need to pray mightily for those things. We can not do things on our own but we can through Messiah Who strengthens us!

Now some situations are far harder than others and some situations are downright evil. Those situations need compassion, hope and love, among so many other things for those who suffer. The Father sees it all and one day He will wipe away every tear. You are seen. You are loved. The nastiness needs to stop towards those who are where they are because of suffering and how it has affected them. That doesn’t help people. Let them see the Father and Messiah through us. What are we representing?

I wrote what follows last night. I know it may not come across in posts like this but we were content and we’re ok with if we never got to leave.

It just dawned on me it has been three weeks since we sold our house! Two weeks ago today we bought this home. (It is still Friday albeit very late.)It felt like home right away here , NY NEVER truly felt like home even though spent entire life there. THIS IS OUR HOME. Our Father is so merciful and amazing. His timing is perfect. Never late. Never early. PERFECT. While there are a few people miss, nothing else is missed there. That is the honest truth. I thought I would but I don’t. I never even really shed tears except once I started to before moved. I expected to but haven’t when I thought I would. I sorta feel bad but I don’t either. The peace feel is not even that easy to explain other than it is the peace that only comes from the Father. Don’t ever give up hope. You never know when His timing is coming. His plan is perfect and ours is not. His will is what is what works, not ours. When He moves He MOVES! I can’t wait to start sharing about our journey. He gets all the glory. Without Him we are nothing. We are blessed to have such good friends here and meeting so many others of like mind. To have a congregation to meet is simply wonderful. Not being in the wilderness anymore is such a blessing. This is where we belong. Still amazed at how friendly people are overall here. Even at what most usually call the DMV lol. The DMV 😂!

Until we meet again my dear friends and thank you for everything, you have not been replaced, we just have some distance between us ♥️🤗

Step out in faith when He asks us to. Not a leap, but stepping. Trust Him. He has got it all under control and guides it all even when we have no idea what is being worked out. Walk by faith and not by sight. (Use wisdom and discernment.)You have no idea what He has in mind for us. I can attest it is way better than you might think it would be. Oh what a blessing. Be obedient and faithful. All in His time. While we don’t expect perfection and never any issues, this is where we belong and it is our home. Definitely not where we used to think He would move us but that is ok. His plan and purposes are better than ours.

But seek you first His Kingdom…. and be still and know.

Until next time!

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