Heart of a Torah Woman

Women Seeking His Kingdom

Walking in Torah, Loving our Families, Following Our Messiah

Speaking life into our husbands, not trying to be their Holy Spirit

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Hey ladies! Good morning from the Midwest. I am often thinking about marriage and how to continue making it better. It can be such a blessing and is a gift. Where the rubber meets the road is our attitude and behavior towards our husband.

I understand that there are less than ideal and even bad marriages. Here I am not talking about those situations. I am referring to overall and what we are doing. It matters deeply how both are behaving and treating each other. We are not doormats to be treated however poorly want to. That is not of our Father.

How are we talking to and treating our husbands? It is far too often that women tend to act like husbands are children that need to be babysat, corrected, bossed around and treated like a child. They are not our children and we should not be speaking or behaving like they are. Even when they are doing “childish” or silly things. We certainly don’t like it when we get spoken to or treated like a child by them. It is rather frustrating and aggravating. It goes both ways. When we do those things it is not inspiring them to be their best. It can have the opposite effect.

We can encourage them to be the man they were designed to be and build them up. This is done by speaking life into them and walking together in unity, seeking the Kingdom individually and together. – Matthew 6:33

We tend to do our best when we are encouraged to be our best and shown we are important to our spouse. Not when we feel like we will never be able to do anything right in their eyes. Our husbands need us to remember that too.

We are not our husbands Holy Spirit. Sometimes women can act like they are. The wise wife learns how to navigate encouraging better from our husbands. They will not hit that mark 100% of the time, just like we won’t. Let us inspire, uplift, and encourage while showing grace, mercy, understanding, love, patience, kindness and everything else that provokes good things. Just like the Father extends to us as we grow and hope that our husbands will towards us through our bumps along the way.

Now, I’m not saying we need to baby our husbands and follow them around like puppies and praising every little thing they do like they are fragile little boys who can’t function without that. Or that we can’t ever say or do hard or unpleasant things that need to be said or done. Not at all. But how we interact with and speak to them can make a huge difference in how they show up for us.

The HOW we do this is important. If we beat them down and deflate them it can make it a lot harder for them, just like these things can affect us in negative ways.

There are so many proverbs and other scriptures throughout the entire Bible that can help us navigate. I encourage you to do your own study to dive deeper into these things. Below are just a few verses to consider:

  • Proverbs 14:1
  • Proverbs 25:11
  • Proverbs 16:24
  • Proverbs 15:1
  • Matthew 5:3-11
  • Matthew 7:12
  • Proverbs 18:22
  • Proverbs 31:10-12, 26, 28-30

This means a wife who is living out seeking the Kingdom is actively trying. Finding a wife is supposed to be a good thing and a blessing which implies WE are doing what we can to fulfill these things. Is it always easy? Of course not. We will have moments, days and even seasons that we fall flat on our face. Hopefully in those times our husbands are extending the very things to us that I describe here too. The whole point is to be walking together in unity towards being in unity with our Father. We both should be speaking life into each other. The fruit of the Spirit should be evident and overflowing from us. I pray you experience that too.

None of this means we have to put up with things that we really do not have to. Just like Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says, there is a time for everything. We can be a force to reckon with that supports, uplifts and speaks life into our husbands that drives them to do the best they can. When we put aside our own emotions and desires at times when we would rather not, we can inspire them to be the man that they are called to be. We don’t do that by being the wife who is described below.

  • Proverbs 21:9
  • Proverbs 25:24
  • Proverbs 27:15-16

These things also do not mean we ignore or put up with things we shouldn’t. The Godly wife is also willing to step out in wisdom to confront things that needs to be. We have examples like Abigail and the wife of On during Korah’s rebellion. Again, wisdom is needed, not just being led by emotions. Wisdom is key. Which means we need to be seeking it.

What also is important is who is in our circle. If we have friends that encourage negative attitudes about husbands, being rotten or bitter, is that really beneficial to us? We should be encouraging and giving wise advice and guidance that is based on Yah, not worldliness that puts self first and thinks husbands are often just bumbling fools. Be intentional who you let in.

When there is conflict, how do we handle it? Pray about and study His Word intentionally as well as deeply looking into how our Messiah spoke, taught, behaved and treated people. Do not be so quick to go to the one time we see he flipped a table or when he spoke to the Pharisees more harshly. The audience and context is very important. Those should not be our go to. That was not our Messiah’s go to either, those were done at very specific times when it was needed. We know it was needed because He perfectly chose when to. We do not possess that kind of perfection. Use wisdom and not being so hasty with our words and actions. Again, consider how we would like to be spoken to or treated.

Speak life into our husbands while encouraging better. Not speaking cruelty or the opposite of Godliness. After all we can both make it easier or harder for each other in our walks and we wouldn’t want it to be made harder.

If you are in a harder situation, I hope it gets better. If you need help, certainly seek it.

Marriage should be beautiful and looking out for the needs of the other, not self seeking or selfish. It matters how we are and we will have to individually answer for what we did or did not do. Why not strive to be that wife who is called blessed and not making our husbands or children want to hide from us?

We can do all things through Yeshua Who strengthens us. -Philippians 4:13

Speak life.

Until next time…

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